My little boy was in the Special Care Nursery, with a feeding tube in his nose. Others were looking after him, and I had to press a buzzer to be allowed in to see him. But see him we did.
David was as proud as punch, but I was still a cocktail of conflicting emotions. Here was our baby and I loved him immensely, but he hated the tube up his nose and I couldn't take it away from him.
Sarah got to meet her new brother for the first time in the Special Care Nursery, and she even got to hold him. We didn't get a photo because visiting hours were coming to an end.
A loving glance from Nan
There was still enough time for Nan (my mum) to have a cuddle though. If Peter's head looks a little blue, it was from the bruising he received during birth. It took a while for his normal colour to return.
I wasn't sure how much I should share about that day, as it was particularly difficult. Not only because I was mourning something I didn't entirely understand, but I realised the conflicting advice/communication with staff in the Special Care Nursery added to my woes.
Everything hinged on who was on the next shift. If they were all about "procedure", that is what happened to my son, regardless of what I had to say about it. If they were about working with the parents, then they worked your requests into the treatment plan. It was the kind of unnecessary confusion I didn't need.
As much as we could though, we tried to be there for Peter. David spent all day with me at the hospital, and even brought me food from home! He asked for two weeks off work, which was an absolute Godsend. I really appreciated his support. One of his female work colleagues has even offered us the use of her electric breast pump, as she's between children at the moment and wouldn't need it until the next one comes along.
So it's been somewhat of a mixed blessing time for us. Unfortunately, Peter wasn't discharged from hospital until five days later - I was discharged after four. But home he did come eventually, so the next entry for Peter's Story will be day five.