The backlog shuffle

 

Blooming now

You know the proverbial saying, of getting it done before Christmas comes? Well this Christmas cactus tells me, I'm knocking on the door now. These beautiful blooms emerge around the festive season. So I'm coming good with a promise I made, at the beginning of the year. Something about an update on life. 

Spring back

 

Early September, 2022

In Australia, it's early Spring. If you live near the Toowoomba region, you know it's Carnival of Flowers time. The annual celebration for the Garden City. This year though, Spring represents a whole new way of life for me. It's the place of regrowth, from a rather harsh prune in my personal life, last year. Come have a wander around my garden, and catch up for a spell.

Huge Thank-you.

 

Elderberries

It's been several weeks since my last post, and I wanted to say a huge thank-you, for all the wonderful replies. They were incredibly supportive and kind, which meant the world to me. When you feel like a deer, staring into headlights, it was nice to hear voices calling somewhere safe. Which is how I felt. Safe in your wonderful thoughts. So thank you, each and every one. Now to fill you in with the rest.

A big chapter closes

The day begins

Well hello again. I sat down to a lovely salad and coffee, for breakfast this morning. I've been wanting to sit down and write this post for about a month now. I guess the words don't come easy, for one of the hardest things I've ever had to share. I'll do my best though.

21st century

Pansies in the kitchen garden

Welcome Spring! You certainly were the driest one we've ever experienced here. Now in the second week of the school holidays, we weren't spared any drama there, either. As we lost the internet for three days. Gasp! Both the modem and cordless telephone died, at the same time. It must have been a surge down the line, for both of them to die. Who knows what caused it?

More or less

 Melting Moments for Christmas

So here we are again. Another year on the clock. Where did the last one go? Do you remember I had a word to reflect on, for last year? Sacrifice. It turns out, I had to make a few of those. Ones, very close to my heart.

The extended dry, killed parts of my garden and then the kangaroos ate what was left. My small kitchen garden, gave me a few rays of hope. Although, I suppose, 2018 was the year my garden ultimately broke me. Just because so much of my garden was affected. Normally, it's only the annual edibles, I give up on. Because they're so thirsty, and I just don't have the water to keep them going.

 Two Lady Finger bananas, barely survive

Lost all my Ducasse, varieties

As so much of the land dried out this time, however, I simply couldn't run small amounts of water to the perennials, to make a difference either. I've lost several hundred dollars, on plants. Some haven't even made it, into the ground yet. Some have struggled for years and finally gave up the ghost. With them, went my hopes for resuscitating my garden, in any meaningful way.

But you know, "sacrifice" is not about feeling hopeless. Or thwarted. I don't feel any of those. In fact, I feel liberated. I'm simply letting go of the things I cannot keep. Something else will eventually filter through. Will it be plants? I cannot say for sure. Now though, I don't want for something else to take it's place. Embracing it's okay to let something substantial go, doesn't require a substitute or recompense. That's not the point.

Experiments in mixed media,

with an old, Australian icon - the suburban Post Box 

The other sacrifice I had to make, took me quite by surprise. Last year, our youngest started school. I was looking forward to settling him in and focusing on something I've always wanted to do. Starting a creative business. I had all these plans, and even initiated a few. Then I found myself getting depressed and unhealthy. It slowly crept up on me.

Instead of focusing on my creative business, I suddenly had to start focusing on my health. The guilt inevitably arose, because I hate being sick. I'd rather be productive! But for this season in my life, if I didn't stop and do the things necessary - what good, would I be to my family? I've lived too long to know, you cannot ignore these things.

 Our youngest, at a few weeks old ~

turning 6, this year!

What was ultimately driving my sadness though, was the choice to give up, having kids. No more babies. The very last, was now spending a lot of time at school. On the other end of the spectrum, my eldest, was only two-years away from graduating high school. Yikes! My babies.

So aging was no longer on the far horizon any more. It was camping firmly on my doorstep. Forcing me to identify, who this new me, was going to be. One thing was for sure though, it wasn't the old me. Yet, how to let go of someone, I liked being, very much?

Child's play

Sacrifice. There's that word again. I just had to let, what was once a flourishing season of my life - go. I'm turning 45 this year, and that's the NEW season I'm heading into. The upside of this sacrifice and realisation process, is being healthier than I've been for a long time. I took up lifting weights, and eating really well. It's not a passing phase either, because the meaning of sacrifice, has finally sunk in.

It's not the wanting, or waning, once you have to give something up. It's not scrambling for distraction, or something else, to replace it. You have to take life with both hands, and accept you're going to be fine, "without". Sounds simple enough, but it took me a whole year to work through so much change, and feel grateful for the process.

Saving seed for planting again

So thank you 2018, for what you were. The no frills. The loss. All those goodbyes. Finally. Acceptance. So that 2019, can be what it needs to be, also.

I hope you all recognise, and get to enjoy your own evolution process, during 2019. Whatever it holds. May you discover, you're more than you appear to be, or have achieved prior. Even if that requires giving something up. Because on the wide spectrum of more or less, you're going to land somewhere you need to be. Embracing your own "without" moments, is ultimately about liberating yourself.

What did you have to forgo in 2018, which set you up for 2019?


      

Smash repairs

I was glad to hear back from our Smash repairer, about fixing David's car, after the hit and run incident, at Grand Central recently. While he was in the shopping complex, someone ran up the side of his vehicle, and left no contact information behind. The damage they did, was not small...

The Smash repairer, verified my personal estimation. Only a van could do that kind of extensive scratching, to the driver's side door. Smaller vehicles, with protruding bumper bars, have a smaller damage area. You can increase the image size, by clicking on it, to see how wide the damaged area spans.

We did a temporary repair on the side mirror, with black gaff-tape. Otherwise it was hanging down, and couldn't be used. Fortunately, the electrical wires to the mirror, still worked. So David could re-angle it and continue to drive the car safely.

It was the hanging mirror which made me believe, it wasn't just any van - but a courier of some variety. They were leaving in a hurry. When you're backing out slowly from a car space, you feel the impact and stop yourself from going any further. But this was a fast impact, with enough force to snap the casing, holding the mirror in place.

Anyway, David's car goes into the shop next week, and we can put it all behind us.  

May mornings & mulberries

May is always a busy time of year for us. Both our kids have their birthdays. That's why I've been quiet on my blog, lately. Otherwise, ferreting my little surprises away, and making gifts all round. But I wanted to take time, this morning, to write. As I was inspired by a few things.

Like...the sun dipping underneath our verandah, as it always does, this time of year. May. The last month of autumn. When the morning sun comes in like this, I know winter is not far away. Maybe I needed the reminder, because I've been so busy otherwise.

I tip my hat to the tea-cups, sunlight and the lull of a May morning. Yes, I see you there, and; appreciate the reminder.

I also noticed, on my way to feeding the chickens, the last vestiges of the rain that fell, all day yesterday, and overnight. The thick droplets clung to the foliage, like the shiny treasures they are. Our parched ground, so needed their company.

After feeding the chickens, I wandered down to the birdbath, at the bottom of the gully. And on my way, heard a succession of those droplets, like a chorus of wee Christmas bells, falling to the ground. I tried to dodge the low hanging branches, to avoid wetting my camera. As there was something, I wanted to share with you all.

 

Our bird bath, is a tithe to the animals and landscape, for sharing their space with us. We always keep it full. Do you see the wonderful treasure, which has planted itself, nearby? A wee, mulberry seedling.

A kurrawong, or brush turkey, was responsible perhaps? Taking a drink and having a splash about, after dining on our mulberries in Spring. The moist ground, combined with rich manure and fermented seed, made a little miracle for me to be in awe of.

I will keep the delightful treasure, and as it grows - the mulberry will eventually dwarf the birdbath. May mornings, and mulberries. Thank you for reminding me, things will always happen at their appointed time. No matter how busy, or stressed, I get.

Reboot!

I have entered the new year, a bit sluggish. Because there was so much to do around Christmas, it was nice to finally be able to sit back and relax. But there's a danger, of staying this way for too long. When do you know it's time to tap yourself on the shoulder, for a bit of honest feedback?

• Things aren't being done. The regular things, not just the big things. They're not even being thought about during the day.


• Excuses appear to avoid action, which aren't based in the present. Maybe relevant around Christmas - but now?


• Avoiding important events on the calendar, in advance - leaving them to the last minute, instead.


• You're starting to loose track of time in general.

When does rest become counter-productive to enhancing life? It's simple. Avoiding things, without good reason to. Rest gives us a wonderful break from carrying responsibilities, nonstop. A healthy pause. Beneficial to mind, body and soul. However, when there isn't good reason to continue - like the illness has passed, or the holiday period is over, but you're still languishing. Well, maybe it's time for some honest reflection?

If you cannot find a good reason to continue the pause, get proactive in your life and responsibilities again. It sounds extremely simple, I know. But you won't believe how I need to tap myself on the shoulder, sometimes. The events on the calendar are being recognised, early. Regular jobs are being adopted again, and even enjoyed! It's a slow start, but a necessary one.

Do you struggle with the transition between rest and work? What is your approach, to reboot again?

Thank you

Thank you for all the kind comments, regarding the passing of our pet cat. There are much less tears now, and acceptance without feeling guilty. Although, the reason I have been absent from my blog of late, is because I have a cold/flu. Actually, we all have it!

During my sabbatical however, I received notification that my former free Photobucket account, is now requesting $400 per annum, to share my photos with third parties - in this case, my blog.

If you see that annoying image from Photobucket, from any post during 2008 - 2014, you now know why. I'm either going to have to upload six years worth of photos (again) to other free photo hosting sites, or consider starting my blog, completely from scratch.

Either task will be an undertaking, better started when I'm well. Have any of you been hit with the same problem, due to Photobuckets recent change in policy?

As far as problems go, these are really minor ones. More an inconvenience than anything else. The passing of time, some rest, laughter and regular cups of warm cocoa, will see us all through.

Change

I've been a bit haphazard in getting my blog going for the year. I had some really amazing ideas before Christmas, which kind of fizzled. I'm not quite sure where I will go with it, but change is still in the air. It's been hanging around quite a lot lately. Making itself known.

Our eldest started her new school year, yesterday. Another change. Only, this school year came with a myriad of realisations.

2008

After Sarah completes this year, she will enter her first Senior year. Senior. Isn't that when the world starts to get a little more interesting? It was nine years ago, she started her first day of school. For me though, it still feels like yesterday. As if to emphasise what has already come before, my world suddenly started playing in stereo-phonics.

It began when I saw Peter drawing in the Spiderman, Colouring & Activity book, we got him for Christmas. Nothing unusual about that. Only he wasn't colouring Spiderman or attempting to get the stickers out, as he did formerly. He was attempting to draw the letters in his book, for the first time, instead.

It suddenly occurred to me, this would be the last year, Peter would be at home.

writing

I knew it was coming, because I was planning for his first day of Prep, already. But seeing him drawing in that book, owning every new discovery, was just another realisation that change was in store, for all of us. Sarah will start her first year of Senior, next year, and Peter will start his first year of school.

Each of them are graduating to the next step, they need to take. I'm not upset or distressed by that, but it made me realise I have a difficult relationship with "change", nonetheless. Like I said, it's been hanging around, making itself known.

Click to enlarge

Indulge me a little detour into my own childhood. I drew the picture above, for my mum's new book, she self-published recently. It was about how we survived as a family, through cyclone Tracy - Australia's worst cyclone. I finished reading it, and I'm amazed how close I came to not writing this blog, or having my own children. I was only five months old, on my first Christmas Eve, and it was a day my family would literally fight for their lives. Not just during the cyclone, but afterwards.

More bizarre than reading the book however, was drawing myself as a baby in my mother's arms, during my early 40's. Or hearing from a friend who endured the cyclone with us, say I captured the day after Tracy, perfectly. Yet I was only 5 months old. Now I'm 40. Did I blink or something?

Well, that change - you see, it happened all along. To me. To my family. We just didn't get to appreciate the highlights fully, until we developed hindsight. Which takes time, for change to occur.

 Preschool 1978 ~ 

I'm like a deer, gazing into headlights

This brings me back to my difficult relationship with change recently. In my childhood, we moved around a lot. With these new moves, always came stress and making new friends, all over again. I'm sure as a child I loved the adventure of it all, but in truth, I don't think I learned to appreciate change, in a healthy way. Somewhere inside, is a personal trigger I try and avoid. The trigger of change, where things unfold in ways you don't fully understand. So it makes you feel different ranges of terrified.

As I was coming to terms with my children evolving recently, I experienced a new range of terrified. So I contemplated it for a while, and realised their growing up, wasn't the problem. It was my relationship to change. What does it mean for me? How will I cope? Will there be more to this change I'm not expecting? All questions, I cannot answer right now. Change unfolds how it's meant to, not according to our understanding of it.

A new day dawning

So I decided it's probably time I work on my relationship to change. Give it some freedom to evolve, and stop seeing it as a reason to doubt so much. Because I only end up doubting myself, or other things. Which doesn't actually make a difference to change occurring anyway. It just makes me less able to cope with my circumstances.

So I finally picked a word to focus on, for the rest of the year. Change. What comes to pass, ever so gradually - or what we don't realise unit it arrives, all points to acceptance on a personal level, anyway.

How is change evolving in your life lately?

Words escape me

Wow. Life! Right? I just want to press publish now, because explaining everything that has happened lately, wouldn't sum it up as well as those three words do. Perhaps I'm also feeling less is, or should be, more.

Think. Words. Energy. Gone. Or something like that. Actually, I think I will explain it like that...

Tax. Dishwasher broken. Move chicks. Grass. Gone. Prickles everywhere. Dig. Text plumber. Two weeks pass. Call plumber. Dig some more. Remove trees. Chainsaw blunt. Axe handle not secure. Make do. Build new chicken accommodation. No time. Scrounge something. Revive sourdough. Plan to give sourdough workshop. Make calls. Email. Water tank arriving soon. Not finished digging. Do we need to hire equipment? Make calls. Rain coming. Cover chicks. Problem with tow-ball. Need to collect crusher dust. Deadline looming.

Forgetting.

Where.

Head.

Is.  

I'm guessing at this point, I may not get back to regular blogging until late November. We're fine, just extremely busy.

Gremlins

So I went to upload the photos from my camera, today, and found something a little out of the ordinary. I didn't recognise it, at first glance...

The mystery

Okay, it was obviously MY desk, but I couldn't remember taking a photo like that? And a particularly good one too! The lighting and symmetry was better than my usual snaps. So what the heck was going on?

Gotcha!

Now it starts to make sense. Little cheeky bum, found my camera. I caught him at my desk the other day, but nothing seemed out of place at the time. He had a cheeky grin on his face though, and ran away quickly. Now I know why.

He has a knack for technology, this one. They pick it up, all too young. I'm just glad he didn't manage to wipe the photos I'd taken from our recent yard projects. Coming soon.

War and peace

The beginning of this year has taken some remarkable turns, but more on that in another post. This one is about, the way our life often looks. Tackling one thing, often stumbles into a warren of rabbit tunnels.

It started when I wanted to wash the sheer curtain, hanging above our back door. It was about 5mm too long, and it was collecting dust on the bottom hem. So I took it down yesterday, and dutifully washed it.

Tissue grenade

Only to find, when I got it out of the washing machine, a little house elf (aka: Peter) must have placed a tissue in the machine while I wasn't looking. Because the last wash came out, tissue free, and the only thing I put in the machine since, was the curtain. So I had a lovely new mess to clean in the washing basket and table. Not to mention what tissue debris, was collected on the floor

I decided to put a clothes wash in the machine, next, only to discover...

Tissue shrapnel

...more of the former tissue, was to be captured by all the clothes. I expected as such, but it meant another job was created, by now having to rid the clothes of the tissue, once they dried.

I forgot about the curtain as it was drying too, and turned to the rest of the work in the house. There was the regular dishes and kitchen to clean, along with...

Hangover, from the tea party

...negotiating around tea parties, which had been set up by Dad, before he left for work. I didn't want to break anything, left lying on the floor because you know how crazy tea parties can get. Even Dora the Explorer, was laying flat on her back, from all that tea drinking and imaginary cake.

The shoe disaster

Next to the tea party though, I had to negotiate around the river of shoes, which were threatening to break their banks. I believe Peter had decided to try some interior design work, although there's no excuse for this...

The never ending story

We just have way too many shoes. So that was another job I decided to tackle, trying to avoid the mess of the tea party. I simply had to rearrange shoes and ear-mark which ones could go. I cleared a path, one way, but my little house elf, really commits to interior decoration, every chance he can get...

A work in progress

He was trying out some reading books, for floor tiles. I'm partial to the Dr Seuss. He also got some coloured crayon samples out, on his table and under it as well. Being non toxic, he tries to eat them too. Speaking of crayons though...

I can see clearly, NOW

I found some crayons, scribbled on the glass doors when I cleaned them. They were cleverly concealed by the curtain. Remember that curtain? I had to clean the mould which had developed on the glass, before hanging the curtain again anyway. But the crayon took extra elbow grease!

As I was scrubbing away, our eldest asked me to appraise some pictures she had drawn. It helped my back, to stand up straight anyway. She was practising her animation illustration, and has developed really expressive faces. I was sure to praise her skills.

After a few minutes though, it was back to window duty!

Ready for sewing

Later that afternoon, I got my sewing machine set up on the dinning table, to shorten those curtains, another 5mm. Those delightfully simple curtains, I only intended to wash that day.

Finally!

It was too dark inside to take photos, once I actually got those curtains hung again. So I waited until the next day (today) to snap some shots. Nothing like having clean windows, and fresh white curtains, again!

Modifications, approved

Taking the curtains up, really made a difference. They weren't hitting the floor by much, previously, but enough to catch dust anyway Now I don't have to worry about that, when the wind blows the curtain.

I wasn't in a huge rush yesterday, so I dutifully took pictures as I went along. I wanted to document, what is so often the norm for this season in life. It's walking across minefield's of creative mess, and still having to live with some...

Chalk dust hand prints

...because  you cannot possibly, get to ALL of it, in one day. So the mess is probably staring back at you, everyday, along with new messes that arrive. Rather than get upset, my house doesn't look a certain way and STAY that way, I view it as an opportunity to improve what we have. Whether that's viewing the mess differently (the renegade tea party) or finding reasons to get rid of excess stuff - its all about making do, in this season of life.

Maybe it's too serious a thought, after chalk dust hand-prints, but I had an epiphany when I woke up yesterday. "When we seek truth, we're looking for acceptance."

So I accept, chalk dust hand-prints and Dr Seuss floor tiles, even as I get involved, trying to keep our things tidy. Surely, its a gift to have these days anyway. Tissue grenades, in the washing machine, and all!

Random happenings

I've been doing so many random things lately, its difficult to write separate posts about them all. I've been lucky to snap a few pictures here and there, but nothing to really demonstrate the full story of each activity.

So this is my post about random happenings. I'll start in the kitchen, where I've been spending a lot of time lately.

Recycled jars

I've been making some apple cider vinegar. Which is just taking your apple peels and cores, putting them in a jar with water, and a couple of dessert spoons of sugar. After placing a breathable cover over the top, I let them sit for a few weeks. What's left afterwards, gets strained and decanted.

You can see the progressive steps in the above photo. We ate a couple of apples which I put in a smaller jar (most recent). I also made apple and rubarb (a week earlier) which used more apples, so a larger jar was required. Then the largest jar of all, is where I add all the strained liquid together (when ready) to age, at the bottom of my pantry.

Beetroot pulp

I had fun making a beetroot cake recently too. It was so rich and delicious, I got a migraine headache after eating it. I'm tweaking the recipe to use less sugar. This had melted chocolate in the cake, enough brown sugar to match the weight of the beetroot, and then it had a chocolate gnash icing.

Everyone loved it, but waaaay too sweet for my kanoodle to handle. So its back to the drawing board to experiment. My eager taste testers, await round two!

Dishwasher

This would have to be my most memorable part of the kitchen adventures. It's when my toddler attempted to stack the dishwasher, after licking the cake beaters. All on his own initiative too, with absolutely no prompting from us. It simply had to be photographed. He completely missed the utensils holder, but got the gist of where dirty dishes go, when you're finished with them. He's such a little helper.

He even helps carry the groceries inside, and will cry if you unpack them, without being able to hand you every single item from the bags himself.

Hidden

To the garden now, and when I was watering my container plants the other morning, I found a camouflaged visitor. The little green tree frog, stayed for several days and enjoyed it when I sprayed the plant with a fine mist of water.

I was a little disappointed when he left his usual post, but he probably had other froggy stuff to do in the garden. Like avoid being eaten by the predators. It's spring and everyone's being eaten for the next generation to flourish!

In flower

I was also very surprised to find my Flanders Poppies in flower recently too. The kangaroos (or hares) had munched them down, again and again. When the spring rains made the grass grow again, I guess they left the poppies alone. To see them flower was thrilling, and I plan to save the seed.

They generally self-seed themselves every year, without my help, but I've noticed only two poppy plants this year. So its time to intervene. I know there are all sorts of delightful poppies you can get nowadays, but I love the simplicity and sentimentality, of the traditional Flanders poppy.

Technical stuff

And I bet you're wondering what this is all about? Anyone who has found their DVD player's, door open, with a toddler standing nearby - knows this tale all too well. Every time I put a DVD in the player afterwards, the door would close, then open again, never registering the DVD at all. Open - close. Open - close.

Google is a wonderful thing. I did some research and pulled my player apart, looking for something (anything) that my toddler could have stuck inside.

Top cover of DVD player

Does this look like a foreign object to you? At first I thought the round metal piece, was part of the normal assembly - probably knocked out of place when my toddler opened the door, as the DVD was playing. It looked like it fitted perfectly! Why else would they place a huge magnet there, if not to hold this metal piece in place?

After realsing it still didn't work, when repositioning the metal disk - I asked myself, perhaps it didn't belong? Sure enough, once I removed it, the DVD played perfectly again! I suddenly remembered, my son had removed the bolt and washer from the safety gate earlier, which we place in front of the gadgets, under the TV.

Great how that gate has worked out, isn't it? Really keeps the toddler at bay.

So it was a WASHER from the safety gate, not meant to be in the DVD player at all. Once I got over the frustration of having to pull the thing apart, I thought how cute, he tried to put a round thing in the DVD player, just like we do.

Image source

Green card is motherboard 

In other news, my daughter broke her reconditioned laptop we bought last year. Thanks to google I managed to pull it apart too, and conclude it wasn't anything I could fix. It turned out to be the memory, which can normally be changed. Our friendly tech guy informed us, however, our model must be the only one ASUS made, with fused-in memory to the motherboard.

Model Asus X551CA-SX029H, for those who want to know, what to avoid. Because a google search showed nothing of the issue, and our tech guy had never seen it before either.

At $400 to replace the entire motherboard, however, its bye-bye laptop.

 Toshiba with Windows

I was able to save my mum's old laptop however, from a Windows meltdown. Or corrupt files, in other words. This is why I prefer to use Linux free software, as an operating system. Which happens to be related to something we learned from our tech guy recently too. There's a new (to us) Linux based operating system, called ArtistX.

It's designed for all those budding artists who manipulate images (including CAD) and video for a living - but using completely free software. I'll have to check it out.

So in my random happenings lately, I cooked and preserved some stuff, pulled apart and fixed other things, spent money finding out something else was cooked, and found some surprises in my garden and free online resources.

Makes for a rather full month! Bye-bye September, and the first month of spring.

Kids movies

As always happens with our youngsters, we introduce them to kids movies at appropriate ages. Our son is nearly two, and he's been introduced to the Disney/Pixar movie, WALL-E. Have you seen it?

It's like a silent movie for the most part - communication being through gesture, music and exaggerated movements. Our son loves movies with exaggerated movements, like Monsters Inc and all three of the Toy Story movies. But we're talking about WALL-E, aren't we?

You'll have to forgive me if you haven't seen it, or have forgotten the storyline if you have. Because its in the details of the story, which I have rediscovered a subtle message. My son see's an animated, warm character who likes to make friends with nearly everyone he meets. I see the only survivor of his mechanical kind, after 700 years cleaning up the mess of humans.

How is it he survives, when the rest of the WALL-E units are broken down and strewn around the city like the empty shells they are? Well, he's a scavenger! He stopped looking only at his "directive", which was disposing of the rubbish the humans left behind, and he started to make something more of it. If he hadn't decided to be more creative with his directive, and found purpose in other people's rubbish, he wouldn't have been able to collect all the parts he needed to stay functional. None of his mechanical kind made that correlation by only following their primary directive.

Right in the beginning of the movie though, WALL-E busts his tracks (wheels) which gets him around the place. He stops briefly to an obsolete version of himself, sitting in a pile of junk. This units tracks aren't broken, and the next minute we see WALL-E driving down the road on smooth tracks again - presuming he swapped them with the other unit. This was equivalent to stealing a dead man's shoes. They obviously weren't going to need them any more. Morose perhaps, but entirely practical.

While it looks like WALL-E is merely cleaning up the mess left behind by humans, he's actually scavenging a future for himself. He also teaches other robots he later comes in contact with in space, how to think outside their "directive" too. The only one he wasn't able to influence was "Autopilot", which was the machine responsible for controlling the ship the human passengers were on.

What was Autopilot's directive? Not to let the human's return to earth. It was his mission, given to him from the CEO of "Buy n Large", responsible for the clean up on Earth, that it would be easier to "stay the course" and never return. Only the CEO didn't bother to tell the Captain or the rest of the humans on board for nearly 700 years. He programed the Autopilot to assume control, of not doing anything to rectify the situation created by humans. To save the humans, they had to be kept ignorant of the situation.

So for 700 years WALL-E was adapting to his environment and surviving on Earth, and in the same amount of time, Autopilot was keeping the influence of its capitalist creators alive - making the humans less capable of taking care of themselves. When the humans finally realised what was going on, thanks to the influence of WALL-E, the only way to stop the Autopilot from controlling the destination of the ship, was to switch it off.

When I first saw WALL-E, with Peter's older sister, back in the early 'norties, I thought it was a very sweet movie about falling in love, devotion and ultimately not turning our backs on the Earth. If you look a little deeper though, everyone of us could be stuck on autopilot, following the directive of our capitalist organisers of survival.

Its not that we consciously turn our backs on the earth or our responsibilities to it, we're just taught from a very young age, to follow a different directive. If the corporations say its what's best for everyone, then it must be true! I used to see Autopilot as a silly machine that didn't realise the directive could be subject to change - but then I realised the CEO of Buy 'n Large, wanted the autopilot to be in control. That's what he programed it to do. Take over, assume control and stay the course Buy 'n Large orchestrated from the start.

They never make mention of money on WALL-E. We see a lot of exchanges of product - food, services and transportation on the star ship - but no reference to Buy 'n Large shareholders in the present. Are we to assume they continued the services of the ship for 700 years, with no exchange of monetary worth? Their name-brand is plastered all over the ship and no-one is getting paid for it?

I suspect if money and shareholders had been mentioned as the cause though, instead of limited machine processes misinterpreting the data, then WALL-E never would have been released. Part of its appeal was its innocence. It could send a deeper message in an indirect way. My son probably still just loves it because he loves facial expressions and gestures of communication, without words.

WALL-E's message is much deeper though. If we don't find ways to evolve our directive, then we become subject to someone's else's interpretation of it. Are we stuck on Autopilot, because we're afraid to take the wheel ourselves?

I know this discussion about a kid's movie, seems somewhat removed from our property endeavours, but I think it personifies it well. I don't want to follow a blind directive of survival, I want to be responsible for creating our own directive - changing and adapting as circumstances require it. WALL-E didn't suddenly open my eyes, but its the first time I've recognised its story line, as a story about the ordeal of change.

One often has to stray from the path one knows. We have to consciously switch off the Autopilot and face the mistakes of our past.

The nature of things

I feel I need to come clean with some aspects of my nature, because sometimes it can get the better of me. Perhaps your own nature, sometimes gets the better of you too? When that happens, we tend to make decisions which are relatively short-term. What we think are solutions, can also become distractions from seeing the bigger picture.

What has been eating away at me since late last year, and my husband too, was a sense of inadequacy. Life was really chucking on the challenges and we had limited reserves of energy to deal with them. Both in our early forties now, we're suddenly feeling the physical struggle to get things done on the property. Raising a toddler and a teen at the same time (with different needs) withdrew more physical and emotional collateral from our reserves. Then the two cars constantly played roulette with our bank account, and the income situation kept changing.

We love our two kids

Many things to juggle at once, can make anyone feel inadequate. That wasn't the problem though. It was doubting ourselves and our life's purpose in the process. When we struggle for strength to get through our day, we send ourselves the message - are we strong enough? When we try to be mature examples for our children, and fail - we tell ourselves we're bad parents. The broken cars, the disappearing income, add a whole list of usual suspects and we were feeling like we'd never have what it takes.

That's the aspect of my nature, which needs to be given a reaffirming nudge, and sometimes I forget to do that. The best way I have found, is to do something which adds purpose to my day and actively affirm it to myself. Even if that just involves wiping the kitchen bench. As I'm wiping, I remember all the effort it took to get here, to eat and make mess in the first place. I consider the water in our full rainwater tank, as I rinse the dishcloth - and the quiet time, knitting the dishcloth in the first place.

It's not that I am to overcome and defeat my struggles, rather its acknowledging I'm present in them with more than just self-doubt and inadequacy. Sometimes I think its my duty to escape hardship, and I'm somehow failing if I can't. I'll spare a whole rant about consumer culture, but instead, think back to my family history and realise what exceptional people they were, through harder times than these.

I have some stories to share about my farming family history, and what those childhood memories mean to me now. I think they're important. Especially to staying the course. Doing the right thing sometimes involves a knee to the ground, and bowing ones head in happy humility. Those are sometimes the best memories to make in life, even if they are the hardest ones to live through.

Back for 2015

 Luffa's

It's three months into the new year, and I've reopened my blog. Why? Because we're not moving. Bet you weren't expecting that? Well, neither were we! It was a done deal as far as we were concerned. But then life happens and changes the way we look at things.

Every reason which was important for going, turned out to be manageable where we were. Not easy, but still manageable. The main change of heart came when my husband decided to switch careers recently. Only it would involve several years of studying, training and practical experience to get there.

No more suitcases

Such a large alteration on top of getting resettled, would be even more challenging for our family. We decided we weren't going to wait another year changing careers, as that is how long it would take to move and resettle. David is hitting the books and computer to make that new change today.

While away from this blog though, we've done a few things to the property (progress with Hilltop) plus a few more projects lined up. It all takes time but I look forward to revealing them.

Out for a walk

How long are we going to stay here? It will be eight years this Easter and maybe many more years to come. Our son, Peter, is growing quite attached to the backyard. Our eldest moved here at four years of age, and grew attached to the concrete footpaths we walked every day in the suburbs. Our son though, is growing up and learning the well trodden bush tracks, we walk him through, nearly every day here.

Natural play

He loves to search out and shuffle across the log bridges, and basically yearning to be outdoors as much as possible. So comfortable with space is he, that he wants to do everything by himself. Fearless.

I don't have a crystal ball, but I'm fairly certain we won't be moving for a while. There would've been many new opportunities to enjoy in the city, but I'm also quite relieved we're staying. It's not an easy life here, but it's what we know and I guess, ultimately, what we love.

Truth be told, we had to disengage from this place while considering moving and that was torture. I'm glad we don't have to go through that any more.