Before we were...

I have promised a Passionfruit-slice recipe, which was meant to be the very next post. However, I couldn't let Mother's day pass, without a tribute, first. This special day is a happy time for some, and a sad one, for others. Mothers who have passed away, and some who struggle, to live up to the title - well, life is not always fair like that. Yet we hold "mother" as the gracious role it was meant to be.

My mum & I, on my wedding day ~ 2013

6 months pregnant with my first child

Like all mums (myself included) we are not perfect. Yet they endeavour to be there, for all the important things. Like being ready with a band-aid, when kids fall from their bikes. A hug when they feel uncertain. Home-made meals, only mum can make. They teach us it's okay to fail, and more importantly, how to get back up again. Basically, they try to be there, to help shape us into decent human-beings.

My mum is getting older. I am getting older too. So are my kids. It's all happening the way it should. Yet, how easy is it, to get caught in the busyness of life, and forget how important the ones who went before us, really are? Does it matter what we're doing, if we forget them? For me at least, life starts to lose more of it's meaning, when glossing over the ones who came before us. I know all too well, life can be stressful and take my eyes away. And the needs of my own kids, don't take care of themselves either.

So how do you balance it all together?

My youngest, makes a heart ~ he will turn six, soon

As my mother taught me - each day is a brand new one, and (if you're lucky) you get to start all over again. So start each day, like it's a new opportunity to do better. Hindsight only comes, if we give ourselves the benefit of patience, grace and humility, to change. This applies, whether we are mothers or not. I wasn't a mother, when she taught me this. But oh, how I've needed that wisdom, when I threaten to come undone as one. Or maybe, even just as a human being.

Patience, grace and humility have more value, than any kind of busyness which can occupy us. Because it purchases the coveted ticket, of gaining wisdom. Something, I might add, I'm still attempting to do! Because life (at this point in time) is extremely busy. But I'm fortunate to have my family, still with me. To remind me, what it's all for.

At some point, the baton will pass to my own children. And I hope through all their busyness (that comes with life) they will see the seed of wisdom, my own mother planted in me. So they too, may blossom with this understanding. For it's an imperfect world, we live - and each day, is a brand new one.

More or less

 Melting Moments for Christmas

So here we are again. Another year on the clock. Where did the last one go? Do you remember I had a word to reflect on, for last year? Sacrifice. It turns out, I had to make a few of those. Ones, very close to my heart.

The extended dry, killed parts of my garden and then the kangaroos ate what was left. My small kitchen garden, gave me a few rays of hope. Although, I suppose, 2018 was the year my garden ultimately broke me. Just because so much of my garden was affected. Normally, it's only the annual edibles, I give up on. Because they're so thirsty, and I just don't have the water to keep them going.

 Two Lady Finger bananas, barely survive

Lost all my Ducasse, varieties

As so much of the land dried out this time, however, I simply couldn't run small amounts of water to the perennials, to make a difference either. I've lost several hundred dollars, on plants. Some haven't even made it, into the ground yet. Some have struggled for years and finally gave up the ghost. With them, went my hopes for resuscitating my garden, in any meaningful way.

But you know, "sacrifice" is not about feeling hopeless. Or thwarted. I don't feel any of those. In fact, I feel liberated. I'm simply letting go of the things I cannot keep. Something else will eventually filter through. Will it be plants? I cannot say for sure. Now though, I don't want for something else to take it's place. Embracing it's okay to let something substantial go, doesn't require a substitute or recompense. That's not the point.

Experiments in mixed media,

with an old, Australian icon - the suburban Post Box 

The other sacrifice I had to make, took me quite by surprise. Last year, our youngest started school. I was looking forward to settling him in and focusing on something I've always wanted to do. Starting a creative business. I had all these plans, and even initiated a few. Then I found myself getting depressed and unhealthy. It slowly crept up on me.

Instead of focusing on my creative business, I suddenly had to start focusing on my health. The guilt inevitably arose, because I hate being sick. I'd rather be productive! But for this season in my life, if I didn't stop and do the things necessary - what good, would I be to my family? I've lived too long to know, you cannot ignore these things.

 Our youngest, at a few weeks old ~

turning 6, this year!

What was ultimately driving my sadness though, was the choice to give up, having kids. No more babies. The very last, was now spending a lot of time at school. On the other end of the spectrum, my eldest, was only two-years away from graduating high school. Yikes! My babies.

So aging was no longer on the far horizon any more. It was camping firmly on my doorstep. Forcing me to identify, who this new me, was going to be. One thing was for sure though, it wasn't the old me. Yet, how to let go of someone, I liked being, very much?

Child's play

Sacrifice. There's that word again. I just had to let, what was once a flourishing season of my life - go. I'm turning 45 this year, and that's the NEW season I'm heading into. The upside of this sacrifice and realisation process, is being healthier than I've been for a long time. I took up lifting weights, and eating really well. It's not a passing phase either, because the meaning of sacrifice, has finally sunk in.

It's not the wanting, or waning, once you have to give something up. It's not scrambling for distraction, or something else, to replace it. You have to take life with both hands, and accept you're going to be fine, "without". Sounds simple enough, but it took me a whole year to work through so much change, and feel grateful for the process.

Saving seed for planting again

So thank you 2018, for what you were. The no frills. The loss. All those goodbyes. Finally. Acceptance. So that 2019, can be what it needs to be, also.

I hope you all recognise, and get to enjoy your own evolution process, during 2019. Whatever it holds. May you discover, you're more than you appear to be, or have achieved prior. Even if that requires giving something up. Because on the wide spectrum of more or less, you're going to land somewhere you need to be. Embracing your own "without" moments, is ultimately about liberating yourself.

What did you have to forgo in 2018, which set you up for 2019?


      

Reboot!

I have entered the new year, a bit sluggish. Because there was so much to do around Christmas, it was nice to finally be able to sit back and relax. But there's a danger, of staying this way for too long. When do you know it's time to tap yourself on the shoulder, for a bit of honest feedback?

• Things aren't being done. The regular things, not just the big things. They're not even being thought about during the day.


• Excuses appear to avoid action, which aren't based in the present. Maybe relevant around Christmas - but now?


• Avoiding important events on the calendar, in advance - leaving them to the last minute, instead.


• You're starting to loose track of time in general.

When does rest become counter-productive to enhancing life? It's simple. Avoiding things, without good reason to. Rest gives us a wonderful break from carrying responsibilities, nonstop. A healthy pause. Beneficial to mind, body and soul. However, when there isn't good reason to continue - like the illness has passed, or the holiday period is over, but you're still languishing. Well, maybe it's time for some honest reflection?

If you cannot find a good reason to continue the pause, get proactive in your life and responsibilities again. It sounds extremely simple, I know. But you won't believe how I need to tap myself on the shoulder, sometimes. The events on the calendar are being recognised, early. Regular jobs are being adopted again, and even enjoyed! It's a slow start, but a necessary one.

Do you struggle with the transition between rest and work? What is your approach, to reboot again?

Practice connections

If there's anything I've learned from our cat's, sudden passing, it's the importance of connection. More so, the practicing of it. The reason it's hard to lose a domesticated animal - even a livestock one, is because we practice a daily ritual of living in unison. Sometimes, up close. Other times, only on the periphery.

When it's not there any more, we fully appreciate the glue that became our daily ritual. Binding one, inexplicably, to the other. This is the whole point of this post. It's not necessarily about losing our cat.

Native Brush Turkey

It's about learning to recognise a profound absence in our existence. Which is difficult to do, if we're not practicing a daily ritual of interconnected living, with other elements. We associate easily to the animals we bring into our lives, but what about those native animals, living on the periphery?

Or the living things, we don't necessarily associate to being sentient? Like plants, microorganisms and water. Do we practice a daily connection to these things? Do we contemplate the roots underground, before we anticipate the crop of fruit we hope to consume?

Native eucalyptus trees

I would like to draw upon some of my indigenous ancestry, to consider a less European, point of view. Aboriginal society selectively desired things in nature, over and above advancing their communities, through agriculture. As noted by K Langloh Parker, in 1905, where she wrote about, The Euahlayi Tribe. The introduction was written by a man, and from it, he says:

"...the natives of the Australian continent are probably the most backward of mankind, having no agriculture, no domestic animals, and no knowledge of metal-working. Their weapons and implements are of wood, stone, and bone, and they have not even the rudest kind of pottery."

From a European perspective, the original inhabitants were considered backward. Because European stories of origin, emerged from dominion over landscape and animals. Dominion, until the next outbreak of famine and disease, forced a treaty with the natural order again. But the problem with civilisations, based on conquering, is they simply got on a boat, found another unadulterated paradise, to start the whole process again.

European origin stories, inevitably found fault with different rulers, different segments of society, and even the natural elements. But never the civilisation's themselves, for having a perverse view of what constitutes a natural birthright.

Native Red Grevillea flower

Let's consider how the original inhabitants of Australia, came to survive with such rudimentary tools, without agriculture. They formed, incredibly sensitive relationships, to their natural environment. Culture emerged from land, animals and people, being interwoven - rather than separated.

The good news is, we don't have to mimic a primitive existence, verbatim, in order to connect better to living things. A more agricultural existence - versus hunter gatherer - or using more sophisticated tools, is not an exclusive question, of ONE domain to rule them all. We do fail however, by not practicing a daily ritual with living elements, as a vital imperative. Because it's our natural inheritance in the environment, which steers us away from unnatural tendencies, towards destruction.

I say, unnatural, because we were given brains with the capacity to decipher conscience and choice, for a reason. We were made to decipher value in what we do, beyond instinct.

Native grass and Westringia bush, with exotic in background

Therefore, it's unnatural to ignore the effects of our global civilization, and passing it off as merely survival. Anyone feeling that tug of conscience, to return to the soil, is yearning to be connected with their natural inheritance again.

We come from the soil, and we will return to become soil again. So we should value what's taken from it, and what goes into it. By practicing that daily connection, we start to observe how we can effect change in our behavour, in positive ways. Change is necessary, if we hope to contribute something meaningful, back into our environment again.

The key is: something meaningful. If all we do, is directly about benefiting us, and not those existing on the periphery, it's easy to fall into the trap that we're more important in the natural order. Sharing, is a meaningful contribution.

Lavender for bees, and bromeliads for amphibians & lizards

So in your garden, plant food for the native animals, as well as food for yourself. Build habitat which connects different areas together. Learn to tolerate more intrusion, into your man-made zones, with wild zones. Because it's a treaty, not outright surrender. Use the natural resources in your garden, with the intent to return a surplus. Rather than stripping away parts, and having it dumped someplace else. And if given the opportunity, teach a child (yours or someone else's) to do the same.

This is how the Aboriginal people of Australia, got to reproduce their gene pool for up to 70,000 years. There is something to the process, of accepting the land given, is worth nurturing as part of the collective identity. I may garden for my family and I, but what I leave behind, will be what contributes to a far bigger picture.

Imagine all our gardens, connected together. Where migration of living organisms, becomes a vital imperative to who we are, and our children's future. It's more than survival. We're connecting to a living environment, and choosing respect for it. That is a choice worth duplicating, in our civilisation today.


How do you enjoy practicing connection, in your landscape? It can be at home, or beyond.

Change

I've been a bit haphazard in getting my blog going for the year. I had some really amazing ideas before Christmas, which kind of fizzled. I'm not quite sure where I will go with it, but change is still in the air. It's been hanging around quite a lot lately. Making itself known.

Our eldest started her new school year, yesterday. Another change. Only, this school year came with a myriad of realisations.

2008

After Sarah completes this year, she will enter her first Senior year. Senior. Isn't that when the world starts to get a little more interesting? It was nine years ago, she started her first day of school. For me though, it still feels like yesterday. As if to emphasise what has already come before, my world suddenly started playing in stereo-phonics.

It began when I saw Peter drawing in the Spiderman, Colouring & Activity book, we got him for Christmas. Nothing unusual about that. Only he wasn't colouring Spiderman or attempting to get the stickers out, as he did formerly. He was attempting to draw the letters in his book, for the first time, instead.

It suddenly occurred to me, this would be the last year, Peter would be at home.

writing

I knew it was coming, because I was planning for his first day of Prep, already. But seeing him drawing in that book, owning every new discovery, was just another realisation that change was in store, for all of us. Sarah will start her first year of Senior, next year, and Peter will start his first year of school.

Each of them are graduating to the next step, they need to take. I'm not upset or distressed by that, but it made me realise I have a difficult relationship with "change", nonetheless. Like I said, it's been hanging around, making itself known.

Click to enlarge

Indulge me a little detour into my own childhood. I drew the picture above, for my mum's new book, she self-published recently. It was about how we survived as a family, through cyclone Tracy - Australia's worst cyclone. I finished reading it, and I'm amazed how close I came to not writing this blog, or having my own children. I was only five months old, on my first Christmas Eve, and it was a day my family would literally fight for their lives. Not just during the cyclone, but afterwards.

More bizarre than reading the book however, was drawing myself as a baby in my mother's arms, during my early 40's. Or hearing from a friend who endured the cyclone with us, say I captured the day after Tracy, perfectly. Yet I was only 5 months old. Now I'm 40. Did I blink or something?

Well, that change - you see, it happened all along. To me. To my family. We just didn't get to appreciate the highlights fully, until we developed hindsight. Which takes time, for change to occur.

 Preschool 1978 ~ 

I'm like a deer, gazing into headlights

This brings me back to my difficult relationship with change recently. In my childhood, we moved around a lot. With these new moves, always came stress and making new friends, all over again. I'm sure as a child I loved the adventure of it all, but in truth, I don't think I learned to appreciate change, in a healthy way. Somewhere inside, is a personal trigger I try and avoid. The trigger of change, where things unfold in ways you don't fully understand. So it makes you feel different ranges of terrified.

As I was coming to terms with my children evolving recently, I experienced a new range of terrified. So I contemplated it for a while, and realised their growing up, wasn't the problem. It was my relationship to change. What does it mean for me? How will I cope? Will there be more to this change I'm not expecting? All questions, I cannot answer right now. Change unfolds how it's meant to, not according to our understanding of it.

A new day dawning

So I decided it's probably time I work on my relationship to change. Give it some freedom to evolve, and stop seeing it as a reason to doubt so much. Because I only end up doubting myself, or other things. Which doesn't actually make a difference to change occurring anyway. It just makes me less able to cope with my circumstances.

So I finally picked a word to focus on, for the rest of the year. Change. What comes to pass, ever so gradually - or what we don't realise unit it arrives, all points to acceptance on a personal level, anyway.

How is change evolving in your life lately?

Relationships - part 5

This will be the final post in my series about exploring relationships. I didn't mean to wait this long to publish it, but I was, um, sorting out my relationships. You've got to make time for what matters, and relationships matter a whole lot. Ignoring them, is a fast track to dissatisfaction in life.

Remember in part 1, when I said; "The beginning of all things, I'm convinced, are the relationships to all things. The ability to relate external substance, to our own". So it starts with us. However, it doesn't end with us. We have to connect with other living things, to evaluate any meaning to our own.

With only twelve of the daylight hours to interact in those relationships however, we have to make them count. They have to be in our face, obvious and enhancing to our daily lives. By developing a daily ritual of acknowledging those living things around us, we get a little boost of self-awareness. Which is really important if we live in a high stress environment, pulling us in all directions.

I'm fortunate, I can unplug from society on our property. But you know, I have little rituals for when I leave here, to go into town also. I pack a bag of home baked goodies, some fruit and cold drinks, chilled in a freezer bag with an ice brick. I can stop any time in my jobs, and have these treats to soothe me and those I'm travelling with. Getting out and stretching our legs is another important ritual when we go into town too. I always find a car park under shade (preferably a tree) and if it involves a walk to our destination, all the better.

But here's the biggie and it tops the list. We work together as a team and make sure everyone is comfortable. If someone needs help, we stop what we're doing and alternate our strategy to best meet the situation. Paying attention to details rather than purely meeting an objective, makes the difference between experiencing life or simply tolerating it.

Because that's where satisfaction can enter the equation. Satisfaction has the wonderful side-effect of making us feel happy, but we don't necessarily, have to be in an optimal situation all the time, to find satisfaction. It's about what we practice the most in our relationships though.

Which brings me to the summary of my series on relationships.

Hold someone's hand if you need to

 . 

1. Recognise how we translate relationships - connected or disconnected?

2. Learn how connected relationships work in nature. The permaculture principles and the community which supports them, are places to start learning from. If you're someone who struggles with human relationships (feeling vulnerable or excluded from them) engaging with nature, is that bridge to seeing how connected relationships work.

3. Look for ways to integrate nature into your daily life, even if you live in the city. This point alone, will increase your perspective - even if you don't get around to the first two steps.

4. Ask others around you, if they want to get involved with enhancing nature in your community. Even if its just adopting a few plants for the office. By inviting others to get involved, it helps the community become more self-aware also.

5. And probably the most important, is committing to the process like a loving relationship. You don't expect something to love you back, if all you give is your cold shoulder and a few indifferent glimpses of your time. Commitment doesn't have to mean physical torture, every day, either. It just means touching base in some way, every day - and actually missing it, when you've tuned out for too long.

6. Practice your commitment by supporting businesses which honour the autonomy (or natural cycles) of nature. This is not a prerequisite to following the above steps, but it can help shape the world we want to reflect our connected relationships in to.

7. Repeat above steps, until you don't recognise them as steps any more.

I haven't said much about point 6 yet, of practising your commitment by supporting other businesses. By spending where the autonomy of nature is respected, however, its the ultimate compliment we can pay our communities. Because it reflects the greater abundance of natural cycles, than the continual decline of man-made ones. These actions can accumulate and pay off over time, rather than running at a continual deficit today.

As individuals, families, communities and nations, we don't practice a unique identity, which is self-aware of our environment, as part of our culture any more. Instead, we focus only on the objective of "freedom" as a goal, with no defined responsibilities, other than what the law sets out. So its good to remind ourselves of the inclusive paradigm we're actually part of.

Perhaps Earth day is an attempt, to recognise we all need to collectively take part in something bigger than ourselves. Although, I feel its somewhat limited to one day, when a person can live a whole lifetime. So every day, should be indulging in connected relationships, with other living things.

There was a time, we didn't always know what things were called, or what their purpose was, before we found a connection with them. That is our ancestral language as a species. We connect, automatically, and we are drawn in, to respond to them.

So the question becomes, WHAT do we want to be drawn into, and how aware are we, in the process of that relationship? I hope, if nothing else, I've helped you think about your relationships a little more.

Relationships - part 4

If you've missed the previous posts in this series about relationships, you can visit by clicking on part 1, part 2 and part 3.

Our family ~ made by Sarah

Gully Grove, 2012

While I only came to discover my indigenous heritage, four years ago, my biology remembers a language about the environment, which has been teetering on my consciousness, since I can remember. Even before I could form sentences, I was listening and watching for animals in the landscape. I could see the slightest rut in the ground, of an otherwise perfect lawn. Locate that pin which dropped on the ground, camouflaged by sticks looking exactly the same. And I was always noticing the slightest movement at the corner of my eye.

After living at Gully Grove, for nearly nine years, those early observations and keen instincts are gradually returning. They're a little more blunted by the passage of time, and the busyness of young family, but I still remember them. Which is why I have hope, others can remember and hone their observation skills too. It can be helped along, the more you place yourself in a natural environment though.

The pond

My story became entwined with our property, but that's not going to be everyone's story. People will often adopt public parks and spaces, as their own too. They even get together to create organic community gardens in the city, or nurture a shrine of varied container plants, on a rented balcony.

I've even known a money centric individual, to adopt a neglected plant in their office, without being asked to. Because it elevated the feeling of their artificial space, in a way, they didn't want to be without. I remember asking them, as they ferried a jug of water to the plant, if there was a roster for people to do this job. They shrugged their shoulders and said, nope, but they would miss seeing this plant in the office, if it died - and sure others would too.

 My colourful container plants

So in the city, stuffed into an office building, covered from head to toe in designer clothes, with a diary full of social gatherings - but still, they saw the need for the plant. You see, its in our DNA. If that person could notice it, surely there's hope for many more to tune into that call for nature? Savvy businesses who actually want more productivity from their employees, will often integrate plants in the office, or build a dedicated garden outside, for individuals to take their breaks in. It helps you to relax, as nature is inclined to do.

If you don't have any of that where you are, plan to become the change your community, home, or office building needs. Invite other people to get involved in the process too. It doesn't matter how or where you start, its that you actively attempt to integrate your daily life with some natural aspect in the world. This will press all those biological buttons which say, this makes me feel happy. You're entitled to that feeling, as earth was fashioned with you in mind, as you were fashioned to keep earth in mind. Together, you are complete.

 Banksia Rose, on a cloudy day

The more you do that, the more you won't be able to fall into the daze of not noticing where you're going or what you're doing. You'll start to see things at the corner of your eye again, and find it difficult to lose your keys as often, because you'll start to see in connections again. Everything connects, you just have to sharpen your senses to remember how they do.

Nature is the place where community and nations can find their identity again. We need reminding because we're easily distracted by everything we build. A great nation will fashion its policy respecting the autonomy of nature though. It will give financial incentives to individuals and corporations, who respect the autonomy of nature to function in our communities also. It may be a pipe dream, some ways off in the distance still, but its worth mentioning anyway.

I think every generation can claim some responsibility for ignoring the environment. Some more than others. I think every generation can claim some envy for progress too. Let's just put that all in the past, apologise to nature and get on with mending our relationships in a proactive manner. That means exposing ourselves to natural things more often, and finding new ways to make connections flow into every aspect of our life.

Can any more be said than that? Well, stay tuned for part 5 soon.

Relationships - part 3

One thing I have realised, as I write this series on relationships, is that it started to be about me, and the family I came from. But then it evolved into something else. It inevitably became the story of others too. The story of how a nation was formed, as it comes to terms with its identity. We don't really get to experience the fullness of a relationship, when we experience them alone. So, its important to recognise the other players on the scene with us.

Beyond our immediate family, is our community - beyond that is our State, and the last tier is our nation. Because we see ourselves through all those perspectives, its important to recognise them all. They are each a facet of how we experience the world around us. If you're a religious person, there's another influence to fashion perspective from also.

Connection

I posed the question, in part 2, how do we reverse the process of plundering the landscape, and start telling a different story of our relationship with it? Well, the very first step is to recognise its another player in our perspective. I had the advantage of learning of my indigenous heritage, so the stories they were telling for thousands of years, about the landscape being part of who they are - became my story too. But if I were to draw a long bow, I suspect we ALL have this understanding tucked away in our DNA.

Its why taking annual holidays abroad, is so popular. It's why so many yearn to escape the city and take a long, drive in the countryside, or go camping with family and friends. It's the biological knowledge we are to experience the landscape together, as part of who we are. Unfortunately, our modern conveniences (and some of them are sensible advances) have separated us, from the conversation and acknowledgement of our environment. Not just in how it looks, but how we see ourselves in it, and how we respond to it.

 Pause

We cannot really do that from the comfort of an air-conditioned vehicle, house and office buildings, most of the time. That important association to landscape, doesn't get acknowledged as we go about our days, keeping the industrial complex, operational. Nature barely gets a look-in, while we put our heads down, bums up and keep moving forwards. We are missing a very important piece in our daily lives however, and it shouldn't only be relegated to domain of gardeners as a hobby.

I sometimes imagine what it would have been like, if the Australian government forming at the start, decided to give the Indigenous Australians some autonomy, and asked them to contribute to how the nation was formed. For example, if they were to keep a portion of their native lands, what would be the sacred places which must not be desecrated. Giving them territory around those sacred places.

 Devil's Marbles Northern Territory

sacred site for local Aboriginal people

Perhaps, we may not have seen the destruction of habitat which so quickly followed the boats of colonisation, and progress along wit it. Maybe the droughts, farmers experienced in the 19th and 20th century, wouldn't have hit so hard and caused such large stock losses? We already know if settlers had listened to the aboriginal advice, not to build a community on the floodplains of the Murrumbidgee River, the original township of Gundagai, would not have been flooded. With 89 people loosing their lives. It was local knowledge of how flood waters moved, and the very simple technology of bark canoes, which saved 69 lives from the floods, that same event. Thanks to two aboriginal men, Yarri and Jacky Jacky.

The way we treat the environment however, is not so different from how we used to treat indigenous cultures, or those with a different background to English.  They weren't given rights, they were perceived as an abomination, rather than an enhancement to society, and they were actively targeted as the recipients of "policy" to dilute their influence on progress. We have developed new ways to treat people (to the betterment and richness of our communities) so its only a natural step to address how we treat other living things around us, better too.

 Where to start?

This is where I'd like to thank Bill Mollison and David Holgrem, for introducing the concept of permaculture to our society. It demonstrated a teaching model of how living things connect and relate to each other. More importantly though, how we should be connecting and relating within that model also. Its the first teaching model we have from a Western perspective, which is not designed to destroy living cycles, but to enhance them (and us) in our culture instead. It breaks from that singular narrative, we are so used to learning from.

Another person I'd like to thank is, Peter Andrews, for helping to create the Natural Sequence Farming, land management techniques, for our country in particular. Which helped address farming the landscape, in a completely different way, than simply scraping or burning everything from the surface, and expecting the rain or irrigation pipes, to keep things alive. It's specifically tailored for farming, which addresses the issues of food security in a much broader context, than the corporate models would have us believe is our only option.

And Joel Salatin of Polyface Inc, introduced the idea of mass production of food, while maintaining the natural cycles of the land also. How is this different to Peter Andrews and the permaculture principles? Two things. Firstly, its designed to maximise production, so the model can feed more people. As an extension (because its connected) it can also benefit the land regeneration process, quicker too. Secondly however, Salatin pushes the model as a business to make a living from and sustain communities with. Its not just the farmer out in the field, but the farmer connecting to their customer base, for local supply. That's why its called Polyface "Inc". It's a model that works, and teaches others how to feed local communities, to the betterment of the land and animals. Something corporations don't want us to believe is possible, anywhere but through their advertising of what is meant to be good for us.

 Where shall I purchase my connection today?

These new ways of discussing how the landscape SHOULD work, are the conversations we need to be having as individuals, communities, States and Nations. And we are having them, which is great. But it hasn't really shifted government policy on "progress" and the means by which, we assume prosperity for all.

The only way we can really make that shift as a nation, is to connect our communities, States and even our religious communities, to a food supply which honours the model of nature's autonomy. I was tempted to say, a "sustainable" model, but its a kitch word adopted by corporations and government nowadays, to mean anything but nature's autonomy. What it should address however, is respecting the right of the land to exist as it has for thousands of years. Even if we tweak it to increase production, it should always "keep" nature's cycles in tact.  Not destroy them. But we have to appreciate and observe the cycles, for that to take place.

Animals need the land, like we need the animals

Change doesn't have to be an aggressive shift to more natural models of food production, but we do have to make a choice to shift in great numbers if we are to have an impact. We cannot expect immediate results, if we're working at nature's speed. It will take a season or more for things to start linking up again. So we have to be patient, and keep building momentum in the direction we want to go, as a culture anyway.

The land is "our" story after all. And its time to allow it a place of respect, on our mantle.

How do we make that shift though? More to share in part 4.

Relationships - part 2

So in part 1 of Relationships, I wrote about learning to disconnect through my childhood, and finding new ways to connect again, through our property. But there was something else in my family, I didn't even know until I was 38, and pregnant with our son.

It was uncovered through my mother's extensive research, into our family tree. As she was part of the Forgotten Australians (institutional care for children, due to families, living in poverty) she was now, allowed access to government records, kept about her family.

After quite a long and involved search on her part, she finally received confirmation of what she suspected all along. Her grandmother, was an Indigenous Australian. The people she had worked with tracking down records, said it was the most complete and longest running family tree, they had on record, of Aboriginal descent in Australia, to date.

Source

Mayor of Geelong (J C King) 1922-1923

Why was it so hard to find all this information, when the other part of my family tree, couldn't be more English? My great-great grandfather, was the Mayor of Geelong, in Victoria (Joseph Charles King) for example. The reason why we knew nothing about the diversity of our family tree, is because when Australian government was new, it was also in the process of occupying an existing culture.

In forming our nation's identity, early on, policies took into consideration English descent alone. The new White Australia policy, demonstrated just this, by applying restrictions on immigrants. Indigenous populations, didn't even factor into the White Australia policy - as their work simply wasn't recognised as requiring pay, like immigrant workers were.

Many Indigenous worked for food and board only, others were given government rations as they lived out their natural lives on reserves and missions, having been evicted from their lands. These government rations were starting to show tooth decay, and skeletal deformities in their young, for the first time in their history. As research had been conducted on their pristine health, before and after, government rations were applied.

These new illnesses showing up in their children, was attributed to the Aboriginal lifestyle and perceived neglect. Which brought about other restrictive policy on their culture. What we now term as the Stolen Generation, were acts passed in various levels of government, which allowed children of mixed heritage to be legally removed from their Aboriginal family, either by State, Federal or church missions, and placed into institutional care.

Some tried to speak out, like the father of my great grandfather (J C King) who was a missionary. He wrote a letter, asking to allow the aboriginal people to maintain their own autonomy from government. Noting, how it was important to maintaining their culture, and survival in general.

All these policies of a new nation however, became my invisible family story. It became both my connection and my disconnection to the land and its people. We never knew my grandfather was part of the Stolen Generation, or that my great grandmother, was Indigenous. Not for nearly 40 years of my life and 60 years of my mothers. Because they were never told in stories, or put on display as proud photographs of where we came from. Instead, they were locked away in dusty government archives, waiting for one determined lady - to put all the pieces back together.

The only reason I can write about this story now, is because of my mother's desire to connect the pieces together. A quality more telling of our Indigenous roots, than our English ones. Because Indigenous culture, without exception, connected the individual to family - to the landscape and to the animals. Everything was connected on a far greater scale, than just the one point of view. My English roots however, only ever told one story. Their own.

I cannot be that singular point of view any more. When you learn a part of your family, was hidden in the shadow of the other side of your family, the question naturally arises - well, who are you? The land I'm connected to, helped to answer that one.

Thankfully, others have also started the process of changing the conversation, for our nation, too. The former Prime Minister and Leader of the Opposition, in 2008, gave a formal apology to the Stolen Generation - and then, to the Forgotten Australians. Note; this applies to two generations of my family, even though both had little understanding at the time, why they were apart from their families. But the ball is rolling towards acknowledgement and change now.

Wouldn't it be great if it ended there? But surely there's another apology, our nation needs to make, in great earnest. The way we form our government policy needs to reflect this also. For the great disconnect for all of us (Australians, and the rest of the world) is the disconnect with the landscape, and the diversity of life we all share it with. How can we talk about "our' food and "our" people, when we don't even acknowledge the land as anything but a trophy to hang our list of accomplishments on? We fight over it, draw our boundaries through it, but we never recognise with great reverence, how lucky we are to have it, or that anyone before us, has preserved it with great intellect and patience.

Mending the rifts of the past with each other, is important for our nation. But the land has always been part of our story too, and its time to see it as something other than, what we conquered and grew wealthy upon. It needs our recognition, to see it as part of our family again. Allowing it to be what it is, without diminishing it, to our singular point of view any more.

All the pieces, connect. Without them, we'll always have this question mark, hanging over our heads. How can we reverse a process of conquest, and start telling a different story though?

Well, there are some already leading the charge, but more about that, in part 3.

Relationships - part 1

This year, I wanted to share more personal thoughts about my life. Which is difficult, when I assume visitors expect to read about land management and things to do with chickens. However, behind this property, are the people who manifest its design, and they always come with their own story.  To share a deeper vein of our property, therefore, perhaps its not such a stretch to demonstrate what connects me to it?

The beginning of all things, I'm convinced, are the relationships to all things. The ability to relate external substance, to our own. The groundwork for all this starts in childhood. Everything we are exposed to, becomes our blueprint for life. Probably the most important relationship to rule all relationships, is our connection to family. This is where we learn intimacy, rejection and the subtleties between negotiation and respect.

But sometimes, not all childhoods go smoothly, so not all relationships come without a sense of detachment. Relating to external things becomes more of a challenge, when your internal self is, somewhat, out of alignment.

Me at 4 or 5 years of age

My childhood had a few displaced relationships, at a time I needed to know where I belonged. At a time I was forming my identity. So instead of developing who I was, I took on the roles of missing, or unreliable people. Which has led to an imbalance in my ability to relate. Because I can empathise greatly with what other people are feeling, but often struggle to nail down my own.

What I do know is, how displaced I often felt in relationships. Why I constantly did stuff, being actively busy, in order to make that connection felt. Similar to the perfectionism, I wrote about earlier, I didn't realise, I had a vacant lot, where my sense of self should have been planted, many years ago. It was still there, it just didn't receive the kind of attention it needed to bloom.

Our house behind a Callistemon ~

 'Kings Park Special'

This is where Gully Grove enters the picture (in my story) and has a profound effect in my life. Should it come as no surprise, there were plenty of vacant lots to plant on 5 acres? So many plants went into the ground, along with many casualties that didn't quite make it. But something amazing, always managed to emerge and surprise me. Little did I realise, through this landscape, is how I started relating all those disconnected relationships, back to me.

Only this time, the land wasn't asking me to become anything, but myself. The more I was exposed to its lack of boundaries, and all those delicate relationships tying everything together, the more I felt myself emerging as part of it. I could finally appreciate what a "connected" relationship felt like, with me at the centre. Instead of trying to relate all that external stuff, to a question mark.

That could be the end of the story. Sign off and move to the next post about chickens. It does make for a happy ending. However, there are more turns in my story, which I will write about soon. Because while I realised I could learn something from the landscape - there was a deeper, still hidden connection, which was waiting to emerge as well. 

My confession

Remember when I said, I was a perfectionist with all the details surrounding Christmas? I knew it didn't make me feel good at the time, but I've always accepted that's just how I normally function. So I came up with a list of how to organise Christmas better, for next year.

I like my list and I'm going to try sticking with it, but I also came across something today, which made me question my perfectionist tendencies. Perhaps there is a way to function beyond perfectionism?

12 steps to get beyond perfectionism from Harish Kumar 

I found myself, nodding my head, many times through the slide show. I wanted to share it on my blog, as a reminder to me, but I also thought it might help the inner perfectionists out there, who read my blog too.

I suspect I might be three-quarters perfectionist, so not quite the full barrel of monkeys. How many barrel of monkeys, perfectionist, are you?


Disclaimer: I may not actually be a perfectionist, or neither, you. As standards can be relative among individuals. End disclaimer, and pass a banana over, will you?

Kids movies

As always happens with our youngsters, we introduce them to kids movies at appropriate ages. Our son is nearly two, and he's been introduced to the Disney/Pixar movie, WALL-E. Have you seen it?

It's like a silent movie for the most part - communication being through gesture, music and exaggerated movements. Our son loves movies with exaggerated movements, like Monsters Inc and all three of the Toy Story movies. But we're talking about WALL-E, aren't we?

You'll have to forgive me if you haven't seen it, or have forgotten the storyline if you have. Because its in the details of the story, which I have rediscovered a subtle message. My son see's an animated, warm character who likes to make friends with nearly everyone he meets. I see the only survivor of his mechanical kind, after 700 years cleaning up the mess of humans.

How is it he survives, when the rest of the WALL-E units are broken down and strewn around the city like the empty shells they are? Well, he's a scavenger! He stopped looking only at his "directive", which was disposing of the rubbish the humans left behind, and he started to make something more of it. If he hadn't decided to be more creative with his directive, and found purpose in other people's rubbish, he wouldn't have been able to collect all the parts he needed to stay functional. None of his mechanical kind made that correlation by only following their primary directive.

Right in the beginning of the movie though, WALL-E busts his tracks (wheels) which gets him around the place. He stops briefly to an obsolete version of himself, sitting in a pile of junk. This units tracks aren't broken, and the next minute we see WALL-E driving down the road on smooth tracks again - presuming he swapped them with the other unit. This was equivalent to stealing a dead man's shoes. They obviously weren't going to need them any more. Morose perhaps, but entirely practical.

While it looks like WALL-E is merely cleaning up the mess left behind by humans, he's actually scavenging a future for himself. He also teaches other robots he later comes in contact with in space, how to think outside their "directive" too. The only one he wasn't able to influence was "Autopilot", which was the machine responsible for controlling the ship the human passengers were on.

What was Autopilot's directive? Not to let the human's return to earth. It was his mission, given to him from the CEO of "Buy n Large", responsible for the clean up on Earth, that it would be easier to "stay the course" and never return. Only the CEO didn't bother to tell the Captain or the rest of the humans on board for nearly 700 years. He programed the Autopilot to assume control, of not doing anything to rectify the situation created by humans. To save the humans, they had to be kept ignorant of the situation.

So for 700 years WALL-E was adapting to his environment and surviving on Earth, and in the same amount of time, Autopilot was keeping the influence of its capitalist creators alive - making the humans less capable of taking care of themselves. When the humans finally realised what was going on, thanks to the influence of WALL-E, the only way to stop the Autopilot from controlling the destination of the ship, was to switch it off.

When I first saw WALL-E, with Peter's older sister, back in the early 'norties, I thought it was a very sweet movie about falling in love, devotion and ultimately not turning our backs on the Earth. If you look a little deeper though, everyone of us could be stuck on autopilot, following the directive of our capitalist organisers of survival.

Its not that we consciously turn our backs on the earth or our responsibilities to it, we're just taught from a very young age, to follow a different directive. If the corporations say its what's best for everyone, then it must be true! I used to see Autopilot as a silly machine that didn't realise the directive could be subject to change - but then I realised the CEO of Buy 'n Large, wanted the autopilot to be in control. That's what he programed it to do. Take over, assume control and stay the course Buy 'n Large orchestrated from the start.

They never make mention of money on WALL-E. We see a lot of exchanges of product - food, services and transportation on the star ship - but no reference to Buy 'n Large shareholders in the present. Are we to assume they continued the services of the ship for 700 years, with no exchange of monetary worth? Their name-brand is plastered all over the ship and no-one is getting paid for it?

I suspect if money and shareholders had been mentioned as the cause though, instead of limited machine processes misinterpreting the data, then WALL-E never would have been released. Part of its appeal was its innocence. It could send a deeper message in an indirect way. My son probably still just loves it because he loves facial expressions and gestures of communication, without words.

WALL-E's message is much deeper though. If we don't find ways to evolve our directive, then we become subject to someone's else's interpretation of it. Are we stuck on Autopilot, because we're afraid to take the wheel ourselves?

I know this discussion about a kid's movie, seems somewhat removed from our property endeavours, but I think it personifies it well. I don't want to follow a blind directive of survival, I want to be responsible for creating our own directive - changing and adapting as circumstances require it. WALL-E didn't suddenly open my eyes, but its the first time I've recognised its story line, as a story about the ordeal of change.

One often has to stray from the path one knows. We have to consciously switch off the Autopilot and face the mistakes of our past.

The old ways

I have been trying to shape this land for a while now. We've tried different strategies and seen a lot of failures. So I turn to the internet to research what works and what doesn't. Inevitably, there comes the discussion about yields, sustainability and how everyone views that differently.

 Modern farming

Conventional farming seems to think modern agriculture is the only way to feed the world. Unconventional farmers however, want a moratorium on killing everything in sight. There's a tussle between who's right.

It got me thinking recently, about my own farming experience. I don't mention it much, but I come from several farming backgrounds. My mother and her siblings, grew up on farms. They killed rabbit and poultry for food, grew fruit and vegetables, with just enough to sell to pay the bills.

An old fashioned way to pick fruit

It wasn't an ideal life, it was hard work, but as the seasons came and went, they always seemed to be healthy and have food they produced themselves. My grandmother married several times in her life. In the beginning it was a grape farmer in a winery area, and at the later part of her life, it was a cattle man, much older than her.

But the stories I heard from that last marriage, were quite valuable in retrospect. At the time though, I thought they were weird (like from another planet weird) because I was used to a completely different way of living. How could a man spend most of his life in the saddle, living with his cattle? How could he get up every day in the small town we lived, waiting to trek to his property and check the cows? Wasn't town more exciting? Weren't cows boring?

Sale yards

I overheard my grandmother saying in a conversation once, that her husband was well respected in the farming community. I didn't realise how well, until I attended a cattle sale at the local yards. Everyone wanted to shake his hand. Every man wanted to steal his ear. He couldn't move a few meters before someone else stopped him. He was always polite to people, but you could see he was never far from the cows either. Looking back now, he was really quite obsessed with cattle.

I started to piece together the stories I heard in conversations - the little things I had no idea about at the time, but always seemed important for my grandparents to discuss. I never heard my grandfather complain about the weather. He was an astute observer instead, always noting where the wind was coming from, and if the rain was coming from the west, to expect bad storms. He never got it wrong.

Weather watching

I remember my grandfather remaining resolute that a government subsidy was a bad thing too. He didn't want to be told how to treat his land, in order to be eligible for a subsidy. He seemed far happier for avoiding them.

Whatever he was doing as an experienced cattle man though, it was certainly noticed in the yards, because his cattle were consistently getting the highest prices, even during a drought. He had fewer cattle to offer than some, but you could be sure, ALL were the finest quality. And what would you expect from a man who dedicated his life to living with his cattle?

Life in the saddle

From what I can gather from my grandfather's experience droving cattle, is that whatever those animals experienced, he did too. If it rained, he was in it. If it was hot and dry, he experienced it with the cattle. Over the years, I'm sure he must've observed the natural features on the landscape which provided enough protection, shade and water, for everyone to depend on.

Why would someone who knew the value of such features on the landscape, suddenly take a government subsidy to remove those elements and start poisoning his land, as a matter of course? It was the conventional way, but it wasn't my grandfathers way.

 Life outdoors 24/7

My grandfather knew the value of the old ways - tried, true and dependable. If anyone thought him weird, they didn't tell it to his face, because they were too busy asking his advice for the pick of calves at the sales. It didn't matter how good the stock was however, if they were taking them home to conventional land practices.

I remember visiting his land as a youngster and it seemed so messy. Everything was overgrown. But then I was raised in the controlled environment of trimmed hedges and cut lawn. As an adult now though, I can appreciate those overgrown masses, were actually windbreaks.

An example of a windbreak

His cattle were never truly exposed to the elements. In fact, they had quite the cozy home for bovines. Whenever they saw his car enter the top paddock, they would slowly walk along the windbreaks to meet him. I was fascinated by their orchestrated procession, and never knew why they preferred that particular course. It seemed to go the long way around. I can hazard a guess now though. Why walk out in the open, with the sun and wind on their hides, when they could walk the cool path beneath their hooves, next to the shrubbery instead?

It took a dependable farmer, who went out into the elements with his animals, to know what had true value on his land. If he experienced the benefits for himself, how could anyone pay him, to remove those things from his animals?

 Water is an important resource

In one way, his job was made harder by failing to mechanize and maximize production. On the other hand though, he could spot a problem with an animal early, before it became fatal. That's because he was out  in the environment, keeping only what stock his land could handle. He was extremely astute at noticing when the balance became even slightly changed, and it was his responsibility to adjust.

When I read about what is the best land management practices today, I see a lot about what scientists tell farmers is good to plant or remove. Also there's a lot about the importance of yields. All garnered from research conditions dependent on fitting the mould. While these are not necessarily bad things, of themselves (information is not inherently evil) but they seem to have dominated the conversation, so that maximizing production is considered the norm, and sacrificing yield, is considered financial suicide.

A farmer's companion

Multiple species inhabit the middle ground though. It's where they can advantage each other by interconnecting. Like the messy windbreak my grandfather kept completely dishevelled. He had a multitude of species of animals, living their life cycles around that shrubbery, which ultimately benefited his cattle. Birds are natural pest eaters after all, and lots of birds eat lots of bugs.

But his bovines were also eating food (and medicine) nature intended for them to eat. That's why he always fetched the best prices at the sale yards. He didn't waste his energy fighting the natural elements with poisons. He spent a lifetime, learning to embrace the natural elements to his advantage instead. I guess something only living in a saddle for weeks on end, could teach you?

 When all is said and done...

My grandfather died a happy and wealthy (though you wouldn't know it to look at him) cattle man. Unfortunately once he died, so did much of what he knew. None of his children wanted a part in the old ways. Not completely.

I wish I could have stolen my grandfathers ear, to ask him about land management though. I was too young then, and didn't know I'd be managing land myself at some point. But I still have the small conversations I overheard and the memories of his unkempt acreage. The old ways seemed to be more about contemplation of a hundred different strategies to manage something, as opposed to only the one.

 Freedom to choose

Specialization of modern agriculture made everything the same. We've lost a great deal of diversity in that process. So as meagre as my farming experience is, I want to write it all down, as a small contribution to the larger picture. And that picture is all those unconventional land stewards, striving to go against the grain of modern conventions.

It is the unconventional farmer who inhabits the middle ground - where the natural cycles are respected and enhanced. Technology is used only for the benefit of the land, and still allows the farmer to connect on a personal level.

The unconventional farmer will also have more conversations around food, than just maximizing production. We're making and seeing connections in our natural environment, that takes years to practice observing. We're raising families or animal families, that doesn't make our lives picture perfect either.

Talking about it, normalises the natural challenges that comes with our environment of living things. Although he's long gone, my grandfather's memory was a reminder that the old ways, endure, so long as someone sees the value and puts them back into practice. We should be willing to experience some of the conditions we subject our food to, if only to learn how better to protect our investment.


(SIDE NOTE: None of these pictures are mine, they are borrowed from a free photo resource here)